The Great Enemy of Somatics

You know what question comes up for people incredibly often when first engaging with any sort of Trauma work? Can you guess? It’s “why?” We have this deeply ingrained and endearingly human idea that if we can find the reason for what happened to us, we can somehow prevent it from occurring again and even prevent it from affecting our lives after the fact! The illusion of control!

Would it upset you to know that rarely, if ever do we get an answer to “why?” Sit with that for a second and notice how that makes you feel? What comes up? Often, I hear things like “panic,” “anxiety,” “fear” or even “rage!” Do any of those show up for you? Now we have a feeling on top of your feelings that has to be resolved! “Why” makes extra work. I don’t know anyone who wants to add the need for extra healing on top of what they are already healing.

It is for this reason that I call “why” the great enemy of Somatic work. In this journey to healing, we are interested in, curious about and tuned into what shows up right now in this moment! If we go down the spiral of trying to analyze why something has shown up, it takes us right out of being with whatever has surfaced, and we simply get nowhere.

When I’m working with childhood wounds, that impish question often wants to surface. “Why did this happen to me?” “Why didn’t I get what I needed from the people who were supposed to give it?” It is absolutely fair to ask, but you also have to be prepared for the fact that even if some sort of answer shows up, it will never be significant enough to heal the wound left behind. When working with Birth Trauma the “why” can be infinite! And yes, there are clinical questions that can offer great assistance when we just get to learn why any given procedure may have happened. But we sure don’t get to know why one body reacted to the birth process one way and another completely different. Trying to figure this out is a never-ending spiral that pulls us away from productive regulation!

So now that we’ve established that the “why” is the enemy to working with our nervous system, what am I suggesting? “What?” Just that! What shows up right now, in this moment when you begin to think about your healing? Can we just be with the sensation? Trusting that the body is a great healer and that it knows the exact path to regulation, we need to listen to what it is telling us. It doesn’t matter why. It only matters what. So, take a moment, tune in, and notice what shows up for you? And if that pesky “why” enters the frame, acknowledge it for the purpose it is attempting to serve, politely remind it that you are interested in healing and send it on it’s way.

Compression and Release

The architect Frank Lloyed Wright employed a style of building that created a sense of compression and release. By creating rooms with low ceilings, he created a sense of pressure - compressing one into the space. He did this in order to give a sense of release when moving into the next space - a space with high ceilings and sweeping views of nature. I think that working through Trauma is a lot like that. The event happens. Then we feel stuck in the compressed space. The perceived lack of safety that lingers long after the event keeps us stuck in the small, dark place. We desperately want to heal, we even have a sense of that large, beautiful space beyond our cave, and yet we are afraid to move into it. We know that we are surviving where we are. We are certainly not thriving, but our basic needs are met, and we are staying alive. That’s the job of the nervous system. Not to make us happy, but to keep us safe which is why we can stay in the compressed space as long as we want. But it wears on us, it effects every aspect of our lives and robs of light and joy. So why not simply walk into the release? Our brain knows that things could be better, so why don’t we just move out of the compression? It is because we cannot think our way out of Trauma. Trauma is a physical response of the nervous system, and it cuts us off from our cerebral cortex.

Somatic healing addresses exactly this problem! I get to witness daily the move through the compressed space into the release. It is a beautiful thing. Once the body lets go of what it is holding, we can take those steps out of the cave and into the light. We draw close to nature and become grounded. It is a beautiful thing to guide and observe. By sitting with the sensations that show up, simply acknowledging they exist and listening to what they are trying to tell us, we get to allow their process to complete. The body is always orienting towards safety - towards that big open room, but events that are integrated as Trauma keep us frozen in that mode of survival long after the actual threat has passed. But if we can help the nervous system to understand that the threat is no longer active, then the orientation to safety shifts and we get to heal.

As we walk through the compressed space and experience the release of the open space, we know that the cave is still present. What we survived doesn’t have to disappear. We don’t have to let it go. What happened matters and it always will. We get to keep it. But sitting in the release feels so much better and more whole. We can stay there and notice the compressed space. It is still there. But we don’t have to be inside of it.

Frank Lloyd Wright grew up in what he described as and “unstable household,” impoverished, full of anxiety and “deeply disturbed and obviously unhappy.” His life was full of difficulties and tragedies. I don’t know if he ever went on any kind of healing journey, but his work would reflect the desire to move into harmony. The body always orients toward healing! Maybe his system designed buildings with connection to nature and compression/release because it understood that’s exactly what he needed to heal his own soul.

The End…for now

A few nights ago, I attended my final birth. Blue Columbine Birth has closed its doors. It’s time to take this voyage of somatic healing and storytelling and coaching to the next level. I’m so excited to pour into it and so hopeful that I can pull from it what I need to meet my daily needs. But this week is about letting go of attending births as a midwife. This week is about allowing my system to settle after years of being on call. So many feelings! And yet, they all seem so far away. I know there is relief, and yet it feels unattainable as I’m worried about financial aspects of my journey. I know there is joy for all of the families I’ve walked with, and yet it is clouded as I judge myself for every single difficulty I experienced along the way. I know there is anger at a community who has never been fully supportive of each other, and yet it’s hard to even care about that right now. I know there is grief. The grief is so big. But even the grief feels dampened and far away. The thing is that I think I should be feeling more than I actually am. I think I will eventually feel more than I actually do right now. But at this moment, and every moment since I felt that final baby expand out into my hands, I feel nothing. I keep checking in with my system. Am I stuck in activation? Am I totally shut down? I don’t think so. I think that my system has been in overwhelm for so long with the requirements of solo private midwifery practice that it is just tired! Feeling requires energy that my system simply does not possess.

So now what? What do we do when the system is essentially exhausted? It’s time for self-care. I sure wish that involved a long retreat at a spa in the Mediterranean, however since that is not attainable, I’ll need to be a little more creative. First, I’m re-introducing daily meditation. Just 10 minutes each morning. I use an app on my phone, it’s simple and reliable. Studies show that meditation has many health benefits so that’s a nice bonus. But for me, just the act of that commitment to myself is enough. As soon as the tones begin to sound, I feel a sense of comfort settle over my being. It’s such a gift! I am also returning to nature on a level that I haven’t for a long time. Now that I don’t have to worry about cell phone service, I’m excited to plan more outings to disappear from all things electronic. Luckily in the Colorado Mountains, I don’t have to go far! I’m also going to enjoy more time with family without being tethered to my phone. Imagine a family dinner without the phone sitting next to me! And I’m going to rest, read, crochet and anything else that strikes me. I am so excited to pour into the Coaching. I can’t wait to see where that goes. But this week, I pour into me. And in that way I create more space to offer.

My First Blog!

It feels hard to believe that I’ve made it this far into my career without ever creating a blog! But I’m going to give it a try! As I expand outward from Perinatal Trauma into the world of Embodiment Coaching it feels important to share what I’m doing. There are so many buzzwords flying around - Trauma, Embodiment, Mindfulness, and so many more. So what do these things mean? To keep is super simple, Trauma is not in the event, but in the way in which the event becomes integrated in our system. So as we move forward from a difficult event and find that we are not returning to feeling “normal” it may be a sign that the event has become stuck in a place of activation or dis-regulation in our nervous system. Often at this point, our body has told us that it is not a safe place to be - it may tell us that by waking us up in the night with nightmares, shortness of breath, feeling dis-engaged or apathetic, feeling a heightened sense of fear/danger, trouble communicating, digestive issues and a wealth of other signs. As long as our body is not feeling safe, then our mind is not on board. You can’t think your way out of trauma because it doesn’t live in the mind. It lives in the body!

So what now? As we unravel these buzzwords and start to make sense of what it feels like to be dis-engaged from the body, we can begin to notice that it doesn’t feel good to be “in” a body that is unsafe or dis-regulated. We work to find any way that we can to feel better. That often comes in the form of external forces - substance abuse, shopping compulsions, food cravings, etc. These things make us feel momentarily better but leave us needing more and more in order to re-capture that feeling. It is all a band aid, and none of it sticks! What we need to do is repair the relationship with ourselves.

Some sort of rift has happened within us. The work of Embodiment Coaching helps us to learn that the body is a safe place to reside. By using Somatic Techniques to learn more about what the rifts are, how our system gets stuck in a loop of thinking it needs to protect us, employing coping techniques that usually are not appropriate for the current situation, and therefore causing anxiety, we begin to help the body understand that these activations are not necessary. We begin to release the activation so that we can work through the thoughts and feelings that call it to action. We begin to repair the relationship with the self and float ever so gently back into the body. This is embodiment - landing safely in ourselves and reconnecting with the thinking mind!

Are you in your body right now? Is it a safe place to be? Take a moment and concentrate on your feet on the ground. Can you feel them? Can you distinguish each toe from the others? What happens as you notice your feet? Food for thought!

Blog Post Title One

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